23rd February 2017: Day 35 - Ouch!
I hate pain. OK, I don't think anyone really enjoys pain. Well masochists do, but your run of the mill, common all garden human being doesn't like pain. So I should say I have a very low tolerance for pain.
When I was younger, much younger, I considered how cool it might be to be a spy. I never shared that ambition with anyone, and it didn't last very long because once I'd got past the possibility of travelling to exotic places, and the possibility of solving great mysteries, I had to face the possibility that I might be, well, tortured. Imagine the scenario, I'm sat in a chair, my arms tied behind my back, my legs tied to the legs of the chair and my mouth tied to - no -duct taped so no one can hear my screams. The torturer, let's call him Mr Wolf, stands to one side, smoking a cigarette.
Mr Wolf: We have ways of making you talk
Taiwo: Never! I will never betray my people
Mr Wolf: What is the secret formula
Taiwo: I will never reveal it.
Mr Wolf takes a drag of his cigarette and walks to me.
Mr Wolf: Tell me
He takes another drag.
Mr Wolf: Tell me
Taiwo: No I will never tell
He stands directly over me
Mr Wolf: WHAT IS THE SECRET FORMULA
He holds the cigarette close to my cheek, so close I can feel the heat.
Taiwo: Alright, alright! X+Y=Z!!!
It would be that easy.
Did I say I have a low tolerance for pain? Sorry I meant to say I have NO tolerance for pain. So why, oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why would I, of my own free will and out of my own pocket buy a Groupon to have a Brazilian Wax???
I don't know.
that's what I've said to every person who asked.
I don't know.
Except I do know. I wanted to try waxing, but I didn't want to wax my legs or arms because I have very fine hairs which give the impression of smoothness. I feared waxing might result in the hairs growing back more coarse and thick so I spend the next chapter of my life waxing and shaving.
I thought about waxing the armpit hair but I can't bear anything coming near my armpits. You know how there are some people that feel nauseous if you touch them behind their knees? That's the effect of anyone touching my armpits. That meant that there was only one other area.
I bought the Groupon a few weeks ago, around the time I decided to do the Everyday challenge and each time I thought of going through with it my eyes teared up. They teared up a couple of days ago when I made the appointment and they teared up this morning as I thought about what the experience would be like.
The first problem I encountered was how to prepare for the session. It's a bit like the day your cleaner is due and you clean up first so she doesn't judge the cleanliness of your house. I wondered how to prepare so that my level of personal grooming wouldn't be judged. I wanted her to know that I do take care of business. But what to do? I couldn't think of anything so just made sure my knickers were a credit to the woman I am.
I arrived at the spa pretty much the way I arrive at the dentist, anxious about what I knew was going to be a really horrendous experience, especially for someone like me.
Did I mention I have no tolerance for pain?
The staff were really nice, greeting me with a smile. I was shown to a room more or less immediately, but not wanting to risk any pain induced involuntary expulsions of any kind I asked to use the toilet (which I didn’t really need).
I was then invited to strip my bottom half (obviously) and lie halfway down the treatment bed with my feet dangling over the side and a towel covering my bits. When I was ready the beauty therapist came in and changed the position of my legs (bent and flopped to the side). I had explained that this was my first time so she told me my options which were as follows:
1. Tidy the area, a short top and sides so to speak (I can’t remember what she called it)
2. A Brazilian wax. Tidy the area leaving a small strip and waxing the tender bits
3. A Hollywood wax. All of the above and more leaving the area completely bare.
I opted for a simple tidy of everything BUT the tender bits – Did I mention I have no tolerance for pain?
The beauty therapist was lovely and assured me that she would be gentle given it was my first time. She asked me what I did (I had told her I was doing it for this project) and as I explained she applied the warm wax.
We were chatting away when she asked me to pull my skin up towards my chest and then I screamed.
Yes that’s right I farted.
She caught my eye and we both burst out laughing. I didn’t ask if it happened all the time – I didn’t want to know if it didn’t.
And do you know what? I have no embarrassment about that. My body had to react to the shock of the pain somehow didn’t it? And I thank the Lord that it wasn’t anything worse.
She continued pulling and I continued screaming and within 10 minutes it was all over.
It was painful but could have been a lot worse and as she pulled off the wax she pressed down on the stripped area so it didn’t smart for very long. No more than a few seconds. And it actually looks really good.
The beauty therapist assures me that the first time is the most painful. That it will be 50% less painful the next time. That I will do it again.
I’m not so sure, but I do know that if I were to do it again I would go back there.